If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
