I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
as a side note pls kill me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
