bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
