he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
