I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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