Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
that may or may not have been my penis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
