I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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