I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
