Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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