Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
