So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
