guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
