Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
