It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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