false alarm. still invincible.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
