That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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