They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have tasted many bathrooms
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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