The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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