I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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