He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dick very happy bro
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
