The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
