I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
