If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
