Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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