So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
