Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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