when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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