I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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