Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
