im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We got so high we made milksteak
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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