Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
