my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I looked at my own cervix.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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