If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
