So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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