just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
