she sounds like chewbacca in bed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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