The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
