why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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