Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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