We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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