Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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