nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
