I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
