I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
