Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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