Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
