She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
