I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
