Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
