Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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