apparently the secret to your success is patron
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
