my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
