I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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