As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
