If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
