Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
