The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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