you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my liver is dry heaving
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
