girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
