I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
