check it out our google latitudes are spooning
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
