So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
