I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
