Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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