Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
