i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
