no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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