from now on my penis is your penis
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm passing your future prison.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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